i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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