I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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