You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
