i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
