cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
