thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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