but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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