I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
