just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
