We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to calm my uterus...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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