sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
