I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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