five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You are a genius and a whore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
