I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
