Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
