there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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