YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
