Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
