i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
