he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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