well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
