i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
