So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
