haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
