Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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