Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
