I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
