I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
