I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
