my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
