And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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