Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
