Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
