he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
