i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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