just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
