my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
