well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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