matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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