AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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