I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
