ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
