You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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