So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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