they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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