Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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