I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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