I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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