Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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