I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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