just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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