Porn is love you can see.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
